Monday blues

(This was written on a piece of paper, this past Monday, faithfully reproduced here)

I realise, after having read the story of the blogger who was offered a £70 000 publishing deal, that mine is lacking direction and a clear purpose. More or less like my life, at the moment.
I envy people who know what they want to do in life, and stick with their decisions. I am still deciding what to do when I'm grown up. Which is, these days, at 40, when life begins. Or, like the BBC Radio 4 comedian said, 40 is how long it takes to realise you have a life.

I've always wanted to be a writer. At 16 I visited an educational psychologits who submitted me to a battery of tests and interviews in order to assist me in the serious subject of future career plans. At 16?!! My number one choice was:
To become a journalist and see the world.
He told me that I was an idealist, and I promtly went off to study music, the more sensible choice. I see now that I'm not much of a rebel.

But since I'm only 33, my life has technically not yet started. And because I am a woman, I am able to a lot of things at the same time, successfully.

Edinburgh, Oh, Edinburgh

We are moving to Fife, Edinburgh, Scotland, in a few weeks' time. What a great place, aye! The Scots are noticeably poorer than the English, or rather, they seem less interested in material wealth. What they are interested in, I will find out as we start a new life there. We found a 3-bedroom house, 1 minutes from the beach, with a garage and workshop, for less than what we are paying now for a one-bedroom flat in Reading. I love Edinburgh!

I also applied for and got a job at a high school, it will be interesting to compare the English system with the Scottish curriculum - which, my dad says, greatly influenced South Africa's schools and churches in the past. Not necessarily a good thing. I'm pretty sure the Sotcs don't have veldskool, though.

I saw a really fat lady (back in England), and I wanted to ask her: "Do people treat you badly because you are fat?" See, being fat is a big crime against health these days. But I'll not dare say the fat word in these politically correct climates. I feel guilty even saying I am a white person. At my old school, one day, as I was teaching the class the difference - on a keyboard - between a black and a white note, a person shouted out:
"That's racist, miss!"

I rest my case. Goodnight!

Children and other offspring

Having children - or not - is a hot issue here in the UK, in the news every now and again. The Daily Mail tends to publish articles on the wonders of parenthood and how 'the experts' agree that it's best for a woman to stay at home and raise the kids, while The Times tends to put things in better perspective. Sometimes they get it wrong, too, maybe just to annoy people like me. For example, this article on the advantages of not having kids. First of all, I hate the picture (I'm afraid you won't see it on the website, but it's a woman - I'm sure she must be American - wearing a T-shirt that proclaims CHILD FREE AND LOVING IT. Bah!) and frankly the arguments for not having children are lame. Yes, it is basically selfish not to have kids, but so what? Apparently the Pope spoke out against this trend to live life only for one's self, but if I'm not mistaken, the Catholic church is run by people who don't choose marriage and kids for 'one's self'.
It's a thorny issue, and I'm getting to an age where we will have to decide sooner rather than later.
But I love kids, always have, and I think spending time with children is a blessed experience. See, here are photographs of my beloved nieces, Emma and Anja:



Whether you have kids or not should be your choice. And that of your conscience, inclination and circumstances.

But two things made me think again about the children issue. On Thursday I taught at a horrible school, what a dump! It looked like a prison from afar and not much teaching gets done, due to the unruly, arrogant, rude and disruptive behaviour of the students. I have a lot of empathy for these kids, because they come from somewhere, like me, and who they are, are to a large extent grounded in their defective upbringing. These kids are mostly (they do have a choice, of course) the offspring of not-being-loved-enough. And their parents, and their parent's parents...it's a pointless downwards spiral. But is it not selfish to bring your own child into the world, knowing there are so many millions out there who desperately need somebody to love them enough?

Secondly, I saw these pathetic photos of polar bears here and it breaks my heart. There is just too many of us on earth.